Q. How do my actions affect the outcome of a divorce? For example, what if I commit adultery? What if I am a transvestite?

A. Many people believe that they will somehow pay for destroying the marriage relationship because of their sexual orientation, or because they have committed adultery.

The answer is usually quite simple. Delaware is a "no fault" state. That means that the marital property is distributed without regard to fault. Judges will not listen to parties trying to tell the court about the sins of their former spouses. The only exception might be the unusual case where a person dissipates (wastes) marital assets by indulging in some activity, such as gambling or spending large amounts of money on a lover outside the marriage.

If you are worried about alimony, the answer is the same. The court determines your alimony obligation based on your income, the other party's income, your needs, the other party's needs, and the length of the marriage. The court will not require you to pay alimony because of your sexual orientation or because you had an affair outside the marriage. These facts do not enter into the decision.

If you are concerned about custody, the court is required to determine custodial arrangements for the children without regard to marital misconduct, which does not affect the children. The only exception is domestic violence or domestic abuse. The court must take domestic violence or abuse into account when deciding where children should live.

In conclusion, your sexual orientation or your marital indiscretions should not affect the outcome of your case, unless your acts have some direct impact on the matter being decided.

If you are having difficulties coping with your sexuality or with guilt resulting from your actions, you should consult with a counselor or psychologist. Many people experience guilt when they discover that their sexuality interferes with their marriage. From my perspective as a lawyer, I have seen such people give their former spouses too much because they feel so guilty about having destroyed the marriage. If you conduct your legal affairs based on feelings of guilt, you are likely to regret your decisions later, so see a competent counselor and a lawyer before you sign any papers.